You Mustn't Tell Her
by A Bean
Summary: What would have happened if the Guards hadn't saved Marcus Kane in 1x07, Contents Under Pressure. Or: Marcus Kane is loopy on anethstesia. Abby Griffin is operating on him.


_Your fault!_

 _I lost my wife because of you!_

 _Murderer!_

 _He's dead! He's dead because of you!_

 _Murderer!_

 _I say we float him!_

 _Machine!_

It wasn't his fault.

 _You knew and you never said!_

The descision had been unanimous- it hadn't been just him.

 _Murderer!_

 _Go float yourself!_

But here he was, in the middle of an angry mob, who would stop at nothing to get their revenge.

 _You killed my mommy!_

A little girl... so young... she didn't deserve to not have a mother for the rest of her life. Marcus began to shake from realisation he was a murderer.

 _An extra shift! He said he was working an extra shift and I'll never get to feel him brush my hair back again and I'll never get to tell him I love him and he's NEVER GOING TO BE HERE AGAIN!_

Oh... oh gods... if there were any... the little girl's father... he knew him. He'd been the ambassador that had started this in the first place.

His fault.

His fault.

320 people.

His fault.

He saw the mob rise toward him and he backed up a step to get away.

Someone pushed him to the ground. He hit the table on the back of his head. That didn't deter anyone.

Marcus didn't get up in time.

First there were the boots, everything black and brown and grey.

Then, pain. Pain everywhere. He curled into a fetal position, to protect himself. That didn't last long, as someone climbed atop him and punched the living daylights out of him.

He was dimly aware of them taking turns.

Red. So much red.

He couldn't breathe.

His fault.

320 people.

Dead.

Because of him.

His fault.

He was crying. He was sobbing, screaming.

He deserved it.

Marcus Kane killed 320 people because he couldn't have waited two more days.

Marcus Kane was currently being beaten by an angry mob because he couldn't have waited two more days.

Marcus Kane deserved every hit and kick and punch delivered to him because he was too selfish and greedy and imaptient because _he couldn't wait two more days._

And then he wondered why he hadn't passed out, until he realized that he didn't deserve a break from this. He had to suffer like all of them had. And this was the best way.

And then he slowly came back as it stopped.

They were staring at him.

He stared at them.

"Why?" Someone finally asked.

Marcus sat up.

"W-we're running out o-of ox-xygen," Marcus stuttered. Where had that come from?

"So you lied to us. All of you. The Council."

"W-well," Marcus tried to get his bearings. "We just... we d-didn't tell y-you the whole s-s-story."

"Why not?"

"J-Jaha-"

"Don't talk to us about him! We want to know about _you."_

What was there to say?

They advanced.

"I think we'all know plenty about him later, lads," a gruff voice said.

" _Charge!"_

Desperately Marcus scrambled away until his back hit the table.

It wasn't very far.

 _Murderer!_

He put his hand out in a pleading attempt to stop their advance. "N-no! No, p-p-p-p-please!"

He didn't fight back.

He couldn't.

He could have.

But guilt was weighing him down and he couldn't move unless it was by someone hitting him.

And then someone pulled out a knife.

His blood ran red across the floor of the church that day.

And that little tree his mother loved so much... it saw red.

Where was his mother? How much time had passed? Where was Jaha? Where were the guards? Where was the angry mob?

Marcus Kane lay bleeding on the floor of a sanctuary, a safe place.

Ha.

Marcus Kane lay bleeding on the floor where 320 people had died a day ago.

Maybe he would die here, too.

But death would be too kind for him. He must suffer, pay for his crimes by having to look the mobbers in the eye every single day.

By never being able to apologize to the ones lost.

By never being granted the right to say "May we meet again" to the 320. Because their spirits would haunt him until the end of his days. Always lurking out of the corners of his eyes.

And then there was something shockingly cold on his forehead, something wet. He opened his eyes with some effort, which he didn't realize had been closed.

 _Abby._

She was cleaning him. His blood was dry and caked all over his face and body. He closed his eyes again.

After a while the cold stopped and his face felt a lot better, at least. Not really, because it was covered in bruises. But his skin could breathe. He heard Abby's steps near him again.

"Wake up, Marcus," he heard her say. "Marcus, wake up."

She patted his face. Marcus didn't open his eyes.

"Marcus, wake up. You've lost a lot of blood. Marcus!"

He could open his eyes. He just didn't feel like it right now.

"Chancellor in the room," he heard someone announce, and he heard Abby stand to greet him.

 _It's the Chancellor,_ Marcus said to himself. _Wake the hell up. Show respect._

But he couldn't. His eyes wouldn't open.

He heard increasing beeping as his heart rate began to rise with panic.

"At ease," he heard the dismissal. _Open your eyes._

"How is he?" He heard Jaha ask. _Why was the Chancellor concerned? Marcus should be the one looking out for him, not the other way around._

"I'm fine," Marcus tried to say, but his mouth wouldn't work either.

"He's stable, at least. He's lost a lot of blood. Why didn't he fight back?"

"Because I deserved it," Marcus tried again, but all that happened were some muffled moans.

"Marcus? Marcus, can you hear me?" Abby asked him.

His heart rate rose again.

"Oh, Marcus, calm down," Abby said. "Okay? Just calm down."

 _That's hard to do when your mouth is glued shut and you can't communicate with anyone else. Or when you can't feel any part of your body._

Desperately he tried to move something, anything, but it didn't work. His heart rate began beeping very fast. "Marcus! Calm down! Okay? Just stay there. And don't try to move. Okay?"

He heard Abby walk away and Jaha's footsteps come closer.

"So," he heard. "The Council was wondering where you were yesterday, then we realized you were being beaten up by a giant mob."

"The guards chased everyone off, but you were too far gone. Why didn't you fight back?"

Desperately Marcus tried to open his eyes again. He focused on Abby and the Chancellor and his mom and the little green tree she's always saying she'll plant on Earth when they get there. He thought about Wells and Clarke, the two kids he's known so well since forever, and he thought about Jake.

Oh, gods.

Jake.

He killed Jake, too.

Dead.

321 people.

Add Jake to the record.

He was aware now, of tears sliding down his cheeks and Jaha was shaking him, calling for Abby.

 _And he'd been about to float Abby._

And then he felt her hand on his wrist, and her soothing voice and he realized he was shaking- seizing. He was having a seizure.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

And he heard a song, one his mother hadn't sang to him in a very long time, and then his other wrist came into contact with what could only be her hands.

His mother was singing to him in the med bay. It was a song she said shed remembered from an old Earth movie, something called a Disney cartoon.

 _If I never knew you_  
 _If I never felt this love_  
 _I would have no inkling of_  
 _How precious life can be_  
 _And if I never held you_  
 _I would never have a clue_  
 _How at last I'd find in you_  
 _The missing part of me_

Wake up, Marcus Kane.

 _In this world so full of fear_  
 _Full of rage and lies_  
 _I can see the true so clear_  
 _In your eyes_  
 _So dry your eyes_

Damn it, wake up!

 _And I'm so grateful to you_  
 _I'd have lived my whole life through_  
 _Lost forever_  
 _If I never knew you_

And slowly, so slowly, his eyes opened. And he saw his mother and Abby and Jaha.

And then there was blazing pain all over his body. He cried out, gripping the two hands in a bone-crushing grip.

"Marcus!" Abby yelled. "Marcus, Marcus!"

He eventually released her hand and traded it for Jaha's.

Abby was cleaning his wounds, he could feel that. But it hurt. Everything hurt.

"You're going to need stitches," Abby said to him. She shooed Jaha and Vera out of the room. Marcus was unable to hold his whines in.

"Abby," he said breathlessly. "Abby, Abby, Abby."

"It's okay, Marcus, calm down. Just breathe, okay?" He felt the IV being inserted into his arm, and slowly he calmed down as the anesthesia was cycled throught his body.

Clouds. He was floating on clouds. And Abby looked so soft. He bet she was soft.

"I'm not soft," he heard her say, and he realized he'd said that out loud. "There's no clouds in space, Marcus."

"You know what," Marcus said, while on the topic of Abby, "I'm goin' ta tell you somethin' and you promise to not tell Abby."

"Okay," Abby said, sterilizing her instruments. "What?"

"I'm in love with her," Marcus said dreamily. "I love Abigail Griffin."

Abby stopped her motions of trying to get the thread through the needle. "What?"

"Yeah," Marcus said. "But don't tell her. I wanna surprise her."

"Wow," Abby said, still reeling from this confession.

"She's so pretty and beautiful and I wanna spend the rest of my four months with her," Marcus said. "Abby's amazing and sweet and really stubborn. And I love that about her. And she puts everyone before her. And she's willing to save lives even if it means getting floated because I'm not the best. And she probably hates me for trying to float her. But I'm going to love her anyway."

"Yeah," Abby croaked out through the lump in her throat.

"And I don't deserve her. But I love her because she's the best human being ever. And she shouldn't be so overworked, you know? Because she's like a queen. My queen and every day I think about her and every time I see her I can't help but stare. You know? And Clarke is amazing, and she gets it from her mother. And I want to tell her that Im sorry for floating Jake, I really am. And I wish I could change that. Because I miss Jake. But if he wasn't gone then I couldn't love her and-"

"Marcus," Abby said gently. "You're rambling."

"Oh," he grinned and giggled a little. "Sorry."

They sat in silence for a few minutes while she tried to get the thread to the needle.

"I'm tired," Marcus said finally. "Can I go to sleep?"

"Yes, Marcus, go to sleep."

"Okay." He yawned. "But you can't... tell her..."

"I won't, Marcus," Abby said. "I promise."

"Okay..." He yawned again. "I love you... Abby Griffin..."

 _Marcus Kane,_ Abby thought, _I love you too._

And that one guy, Shawn Mendez, came on. Resident singer and actor on the Ark. Sometimes he'd hack into the communications systems and sing a whole damn song for Raven Reyes.

 _Now without your kisses, I'll be needin' stitches..._


End file.
